In what may be my favorite article of the month, the AP has announced that 1 in 4 Americans read did not read any books last year. I will share the most bestiest quote from the entire article, brought to us by Bob Ryan, 41. Bob says, “If I’m going to get a story, I’ll get a movie.”

I struggle to offer color commentary. To think, Neal, you were so riled over the apathetic guitar selection in the display window at the John Varvatos store, when what you should actually be worried about is how the John Varvatos store will communicate to Americans that it is the John Varvatos store when they can’t read the words John Varvatos.

Forward thinking readers, may I suggest that we all turn our names into easily identifical objects now, before the inevitable mad dash in 2012. I pick scratch ‘n sniff stickers in place of “Jess” and a purple racecar for “Kimball.”