“Well, it isn’t every day you get your name in the Trunk.” Harvey boasted.

“The Trunk, the Trunk, the Trunk… that’s all I hear in this house these days. You know what you can do with your Trunk.” Tammy screamed, as she lumbered into the kitchen. She was finally at her wits end. Ever since Harvey hit a hole-in-one on the fourth hole (slight dogleg left, par 3) at Mastodon National last weekend, all he could talk about was when he would get his name in the paper. Typically the Elephant Trunk highlights all the area golf courses holes-in-one from that weekend in Monday’s edition but this Monday’s sports section was an exception as the paper used every extra column inch to talk about Ivory High School’s victory in the state championship over Giraffe Central in baseball. Harvey had been a ball of nerves since Tuesday when then paper forgot to print the section and was positively unbearable on Wednesday when the paper printed a second SuDoKu instead of finally printing the holes-in-one section. One strongly worded email to the sports editor and one sappy apology call later, Harvey finally got word that the error would be corrected and his name would finally be printed in Friday’s edition. “Better late than never” Harvey rationalized. That it finally did happened today was the worst possible timing for Tammy, her parents Wallace and Mary Tusk, were visiting that afternoon and she knew how much her father couldn’t stand it when Harvey got to talking about all of his great accomplishments.

This was Harvey’s third time getting his name printed in the Elephant Trunk. The first time was ten years ago, when Harvey inadvertently scared off some poachers. He was coming home from his local watering hole, somewhat worse-for-the-wear, when he quite literally stumbled upon the poacher’s camp. The poachers scrambled into their Range Rover leaving all of their gear behind and were out of sight before Harvey could comprehend what had happened. Later when Harvey came to and noticed the deserted camp he immediately reported it to the authorities and was duly recognized in the Trunk in that week’s “Local Heroes” section. Days later, Harvey met Tammy’s parents for the first time at an impromptu weekend BBQ at their weekend home and would not stop boasting about his bravery and the importance of civic responsibility. “Really, if we all just pitch in a little bit, imagine the possibilities” Harvey proffered.

Harvey’s second mention in the “old grey pachyderm” was four years ago when he chaperoned Nate’s 2nd grade field trip to the Dry ’n Sandy Nature Center and Aquarium. Being mentioned in the paper was one thing, but the real thrill for Harvey was when he got to correct the tour guide who had mistakenly referred to a male tiger at “she”. “That’s no ‘she’!” Harvey said, indelicately correcting the oversight. “Anyone and their mother could see that tiger is a male. What kind of an operation are you running here, sir?” For the next three weeks Harvey made it a point mention this error to any local parents who would listen and even raised the incident at that month’s PTA meeting.

“You see Wally, with that dogleg, four is possibly the most difficult hole on the course, although you wouldn’t know it, you know, being a par 3 and all.” Wallace knew this was the beginning of the end. He turned down his hearing aid, sat back, got a sip of Tammy home made lemonade and settled in for what he knew would be another great weekend with Harvey.